The 10 Worst Movies of All Time

We’ve all seen our fair share of bad movies. Sometimes I wonder what the directors and producers were aiming for with these movies. I remember watching Siskel & Ebert and enjoying their specials on the worst movies of the year – their commentary was always the best.

In the spirit of the great Siskel & Ebert, here is my list of the worst movies of all time.

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) [2009]

I went into this movie knowing absolutely nothing about it. That’s a rarity for me because I like to watch at least one preview before I know what I’m getting myself into. I should have turned it off as soon as I knew where the plot was going. I’m ashamed to say I sat through the whole thing.

To this day, I can’t comprehend why this movie is entertaining. It’s a distasteful film that should have opened with a warning: “May induce vomiting.” If you haven’t seen this yet, I will spare you the details.

I applaud Roger Ebert for not giving this film any stars because, in his words, it “occupies a world where the stars don’t shine.”

Cabin Fever (2002)

I’ve seen plenty of great horror movies. I’ve also seen some that aren’t so great, but at least they made a decent effort. Cabin Fever, however, missed both categories by a mile. It was not the least bit entertaining, scary, or even funny. To be honest, I’m not sure what it was trying to be.

The story is just appalling – five recent college graduates go to a secluded cabin…only to contract a flesh-eating virus. Maybe their encounter with strange locals on their way to the cabin should have been their hint to stay elsewhere. Of course, then there would be no movie. But would that be a tragedy in this case?

Bats (1999)

A movie about giant, mutated bats that prey on people…well that just has disaster written all over it. Who in their right mind thought this film would be the least bit entertaining? The visuals were awful, the animatronics were unconvincing, and the acting was horrible. You couldn’t pay me to watch this movie again.

Pink Flamingos (1972)

John Waters claimed that he was high when he wrote this picture, but not when he directed it. Either he’s lying about his sobriety during the filming, or his sober mind is every bit as warped as when he’s high.

Pink Flamingos is just sick and twisted. A group of people competing for the title of “The Filthiest Person Alive” –staring at a blank screen for 93 minutes is more worth your time than this.

Going Overboard (1989)

I’m glad my introductions to Adam Sandler were his comedic gems: Billy Madison (1995) and Happy Gilmore (1996).

I came across Going Overboard at a video store (oh, how I miss video stores) and saw Sandler on the cover. I thought that guaranteed quality comedy, but I found myself puzzled instead. It was a comedic flop with plenty of great names: Billy Bob Thornton, Billy Zane, Burt Young, and even the great Milton Berle. To this day, I still wonder how they talked Berle into appearing in this film. Even he couldn’t get a laugh out of me.

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997)

Even though I was never into the video games, I am a fan of the original film. It is fun, action-packed, and even humorous at times. The effects could have used some improvements, but that never bothered me much.

However, the sequel is the original’s polar opposite. The story is lame, the action is dull, and the visual effects are somehow worse.

The film starts where the first one left off, with only two actors from the original film present. This obviously should have been a sign, because the movie failed to generate any excitement nor redeeming features. I’m guessing most of the original cast read the script and ran. Even Mortal Kombat co-creator Ed Boon disliked the picture. I don’t blame him.

Super Mario Bros. (1993)

This has to be one of the biggest disappointments in film history. I grew up playing Super Mario Bros., and I still consider it one of the best video game franchises of all time. However, this movie became something completely different than the video games. The film depicts the titular brothers going to a dystopian metropolis where people and dinosaurs co-exist. I mean, come on! Did the film’s creators ever even play the games? For one thing, dinosaurs were never a thing in the video games. The antagonists are Koopas, which are turtles with anamorphic abilities. King Koopa is played by Dennis Hopper with a little makeup on. Seriously?

The film should have been a feature-length cartoon. They could have even beaten Toy Story (1995) to the title of “first computer-animated film!” This live-action nonsense seemed meant more for the parents taking their kids to see it, than the kids themselves. Let’s face facts – the games brought out the kid in all of us.

Movie 43 (2013)

I wonder how the creators pitched the movie to studio executives. I think of something along the lines of:

“Let’s get all the best actors out there right now and make the worst movie of all time.”

“Sure! Here’s $6 million. Do your worst!”

The movie is divided into twelve segments, most of which have a different director (there’s your first clue of the chaos). Each segment is disturbing in its own way. Case in point, Liev Schrieber and Naomi Watts homeschool their son, but unconventionally. The parents give their son the “high school” experience at home by bullying him, hazing him, and even as far as the mom flirting with him. My gosh!

I remember laughing once during the segment with Chris Pratt and Anna Faris, and I was ashamed of myself. But not as ashamed as I was of watching this movie at all.

Howard the Duck (1986)

I was reluctant to put this film on the list because it has George Lucas’ name attached to it. However, he served as an executive producer and knew what he was getting himself into. I just can’t fathom the creator of Star Wars going as far as producing a film that isn’t even remotely on the same cinematic scale.

 Howard the Duck originated from Marvel Comics (who I hope do not attempt a remake, though I loved the cameo appearance in Guardians of the Galaxy). Howard is a “man-duck” who, for some reason, is sucked off his home planet and dropped on Earth. He falls in love with a rock star (Lea Thompson) and must stop the “Dark Overlords” from taking over Earth.

Everything about the film makes me shudder. It kills me that Tim Robbins was in it since he starred in my all-time favorite movie, The Shawshank Redemption. I choose to think of it as his own “redemption” for being in Howard the Duck.

My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006)

Uma Thurman, Luke Wilson, and director Ivan Reitman have done wonderful things in their careers. It boggles my mind, though, that they joined forces and created an unfunny, uncomfortable, and unworthy comedy. Reitman even directed the Ghostbusters movies, and they are classics! It took me a while to get over how terrible this movie was.

Thurman plays Jenny, the shy woman who dates Matthew (Wilson). When Jenny starts to display signs of insecurity and aggressive behavior, he dumps her – sending Jenny over the edge. Things get worse when Matt realizes that Jenny is G-Girl, a superhero with many abilities. She uses those abilities to make Matt’s life a living hell.

The idea of an insecure superhero had potential. In Hancock (2008), which also didn’t sit well with me, Will Smith plays a superhero with a drinking problem and a bad attitude. At least that one made me laugh a few times. Uma Thurman with a mean streak should’ve stayed in the Kill Bill movies.

Happy watching…hopefully of good movies!